A wise man once said that children are closer to God as they enter the world free of any preconceived notions of how the world works. As they grow into toddlers their philosophy of life becomes apparent. I’ve taken careful note to write down some of the profound quotes my 2-and-half-year-old has provided over the past months.  I feel he is wise beyond his years (both of them).

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Quote 1:

“My nose is cold. I can warm it with this burger.” [Sticks nose in burger]

Toddler Philosophy:

If you are cold, find warmth.

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Quote 2:

“When I was a baby I used to grab mommy’s mail and put it in her soup.”

Toddler Philosophy:

Learn from your experiences. Grow. Develop.

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Quote 3:

“Daddy, when you turn 84, you can dangle like this.”

Toddler Philosophy:

Getting old means getting short. Being short has advantages.

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Quote 4:

“Help captain! I’m stuck in the cushions!”

Toddler Philosophy:

Being short sometimes has disadvantages.

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Quote 5:

“When I was sick I used to barf on my cup.”

Toddler Philosophy:

It’s better to barf on your cup than on someone else’s cup.

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Quote 6:

[Son steals ball from sister]

Son: “No! I want you to be the ottoman!”

Me: “You want her to be the audience?”

Son: “Ya. The ottoman!”

Toddler Philosophy:

If you know what you mean when you say it, that’s all that really matters.

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Quote 7:

“I’m the supermanvisor.”

Toddler Philosophy:

Any word starting with “super” should be followed by “man”.

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Quote 8:

“When I grow up I’m going to have my baby sister in my tummy.”

Toddler Philosophy:

When you grow up you can change sex and defy logic.

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Quote 9:

“I like mail. I do.”

Toddler Philosophy:

Don’t be ashamed of what you like.

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Quote 10:

“Daddy, I’ve finished choking. Now I can lie down.”

Toddler Philosophy:

If you survive an emergency, it’s best to nap afterwords.

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Quote 11:

Me: “What do you think your Valentine’s day gift is?”

Son: “Is it sharp?”

Me: “I don’t know…”

Son: “Is it a nail?!!!!”

[Opens gift. Throws stuffie aside to search for nail.]

Toddler Philosophy:

Sometimes all one needs to be happy is a hammer and a nail.

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Quote 12:

Me:  “What is your favourite Olympic event?”

Son: “Snow-sliding!”

Me: “Why?”

Son: “Cuz they go ‘Weeeeeeeeee!’”

Toddler Philosophy:

The best things in life are the things with lots of “Weeeeeeeeeees”.

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Quote 13:

Wife: “Hi son!” [Big smile]

Son: “Mommy, get out of the way so daddy and I can come in the door.”

Toddler Philosophy:

Sometimes a home is just a house and you need to come in.

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Quote 14:

“Daddy, I’m cheering for team Oh Canada.”

Toddler Philosophy:

Sometimes a song is more powerful than a country.

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Quote 15:

Me:  “What do you want from Santa for Christmas?”

Son: “A ladybug, a horsey, a big car, and a little car.”

Toddler Philosophy:

There’s big things and little things in life. It’s important to have both.

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Quote 16:

Me: “Who’s going to win the World Series? The Cardinals or the Red Sox?”

Son: “Bautista.”

Toddler Philosophy:

Stick with what you know and always stand by your team.

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Quote 17:

“Daddy, I don’t have a chocolate crunch in my diaper.  I just farted.”

Toddler Philosophy:

Never admit to crapping your pants.

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Quote 18:

“Daddy, make the rhino bop his head again.”

Toddler Philosophy:

Look up to your parents. They are the givers of good things and are capable of making a 1 tonne beast turn around and ram his head into a post on command.

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Quote 19:

[Singing] “You are my sunshine. My dirty sunshine…”

Toddler Philosophy:

If you forget the words when singing, continue singing with confidence.  No one will notice.

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Quote 20:

“Daddy, I want to build a fort. I want to build a fort on your face.”

Toddler Philosophy:

Know what you want and go for it.

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Quote 21:

Son: “I want to catch a fish.”

Me: “We don’t have a fishing rod.”

Son: “Get me a fishing rod, yo!”

Toddler Philosophy:

Adding “yo” to the end of a request will increase your chances of having that request fulfilled.

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Quote 22:

Me: “You’re going to throw out flower petals with your cousin at the wedding.”

Son: “I want to throw balls.”

Toddler Philosophy:

Stick with your strengths.

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Please leave a comment with some quotes from your own toddler and the toddler philosophy that goes with them. Follow me on twitter (@ModernHouseDad) for more quotes as they come. You can also tweet your own toddler quotes using the hashtag #ToddlerTalk.